For a long time, my confidence was very low; as was my self-esteem. It got so bad that I was too afraid to leave the house from the thought of judgement from others. I stayed this way for years as I never really felt like I ‘belonged‘ anywhere. I hid behind a computer screen and spent most of my time creating artwork and coding. Looking back, the skills I gained weren’t so bad. The reasons, however, were.
It’s been 7 years since I felt and acted that way and thankfully I can safely say I am on the mend permanently.
If you find yourself so low in confidence that you don’t dare go out or even that you want to avoid being that way. I have a few lessons I learned over the last 7 years of building myself back up.
1. Have No Fear
It doesn’t take a genius to work out that fear creates a box around us and keeps us immobilised. For someone with low confidence, it can be hard to spot though.
Fear stops us from following our thoughts and doing what makes us feel unique. It stands in the way of everyday things that confident people take for granted. Things like making new friends or even extremes of dying our hair a different colour.
I was so fearful that I didn’t dare wear makeup. I wouldn’t change my ‘style’ if I even had one. I couldn’t even eat in front of people I didn’t know. And of course, as I have mentioned, leaving the house was not an option.
It is an illusion. Fear is not real. Have you ever felt fearful of calling the doctor because you need to? Feels good when the call is made and an appointment booked, right? Fear isn’t real. It’s all in our heads. In all honesty, it takes time to eliminate fear. And we will always have moments of it right before we do something great. It is a reminder that we are alive.
So if you really want to sing, do it! If you want to go for that job, go for it! That person you’ve always wanted to get to know better, go talk to them. You never know what is just around the corner when fear is no longer a factor.
2. Push Yourself into Confidence
Push yourself, or getting out of your comfort zone is a great way to build your confidence. It binds us to what we know and doesn’t let us reach out to new pastures.
Try doing little things that don’t feel comfortable. It doesn’t have to be something big. Start off small and build it into something bigger.
3. Socialise with new people
Socialising is a great way to build confidence. I always use to find it hard to talk to people, even the ones I know. It’s much easier now that I have accepted who I am. I still can’t just talk to random people in all situations though but I’ve come so far from the corner, I don’t ever want to go back.
Sometimes it is great to talk to strangers, they can teach us a lot and they have no real reason to judge us.
4. Embrace Change
Before building my confidence, I hated change. Really, really hated it! Later I realised I was afraid of it because change brings new challenges and I feared them too.
One day I decided I would try a different cereal; yes cereal, that’s how bad it was. It turns out I liked it. I started to look at my surroundings differently. I felt part of it and changed a bit more in my life. Then I met my partner and saw how much more confident he was than me. He hated change as well but did it anyway which was inspiring.
After some time I realised one of the main ways to build more confidence is to embrace change. Change is good, it helps us grow.
5. Be who you want to be
Confidence starts with you. Be who you want to be not who you are expected to be. Once you accept yourself, you can build confidence in the mind of who you strive to be.
You will find that life is a lot better when you be yourself! The people around you will appreciate it too.
Any tips of your own? Comment below.
Have a wonderful day.